Remember when...

I was supposed to upload a video everyday. Or at least say something on my blog. Well... I realized how hard it was to keep up with that during my practicum. For the past month, the time of my disappearance, I was teaching 3rd grade. And my oh my, what an experience! I loved everything about it even though I was crazy busy every day. Honestly, I initially wanted to try being in a 5th or 6th grade classroom, so when I was placed in a 3rd grade classroom, I didn't really know what to expect, but I think I was really able to connect with those kids! I learned so much from them (and from my mentor teacher) that I think would help me, no matter what grades I end up in.

So basically, many things have been happening. I also got an internship offer to teach 1st grade at a school in Heber. :) Come August, I will have my very own 1st grade classroom with approximately 20 kids to teach. Wild. 8) I must confess: I'm nervous. When I first got the call offering me a job, all I could think was, "This is real." Then I cried. Haha

It had hit me though. Having my own classroom and teaching my own group of students is a goal I've been working towards for the majority of my life - from the time that I was a kid in elementary school. And here it is. By the end of this very year, I will have taught my own class for half a year already!

Anyways, outside of my career, I have also been trying to figure out the other parts of my life. It's conflicting, confusing, and worrisome, but you know... Day by day. Bit by bit. Things are getting somewhere, at least.

Another busy semester

Practicum has begun again and it gets harder and harder to wake up with every day. I'm thinking about too many things and I'm not prioritizing properly. It'll work out, but I guess I'm just tired. I would like to have a break or two!

Ahh. I went to Utah Fashion Week today. It was actually pretty interesting! I'm glad I went! 

Practicum is starting

I know I haven't been posting videos and I apologize, but life is really too busy right now, and probably will be for the next month. My second semester of practicum is starting and I'll be in a 3rd grade classroom. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely excited to be in a classroom with students, but I am not excited about the workload with my work schedule on top of it. It basically just means that I will probably be running on very very little sleep everyday and very very busy lesson planning and making sure I have all the things I need for post-practicum.

Wish me luck!

Friendship moments

First of all, my apologies for not posting a video for yesterday. I did take a pretty funny one of my sister at the grocery store, but I don't have her permission to post it yet. Haha Also, last night ended up being much less wild than I thought it would be. I realize that I really do seem to get some form of anxiety at crowded places. I just get really uncomfortable really fast. 

Anyways, my post for today is going to be about one of my best friends, Hunter, because he came to visit me just now. Hunter and I have known each other for about... 3-4 years now? Since both or freshman semesters in college, and we've been best friends ever since. Although it doesn't seem like a long time, we've been friends with each other through all kinds of growing up we've had to do. We're totally different people from when we first met, but we're probably even closer friends than we were before. He went and served a mission for two years, and the only way I could communicate with him was through emails once a week and the occasional photos. Ever since he came back to school, we haven't been able to spend as much time together. He had his stuff going on, and I had mine. We're busy busy people (him in social ways, me in school ways). But every now and then, we'll hang out and catch up. Recently, it feels like it's been particularly difficult to hang out. We went from seeing each other at least every other week to every other month.

The last time we saw each other before today was probably at the beginning of January. As some of you know, a lot can happen in a month! In January, and through our random times of texting, I had been starting to feel like there was something wrong with Hunter. Our friendship didn't really seem to be the same? So today was good. I got some worries cleared up and I realized that he's been going through quite a bit.

He shared a "friendship moment" with me. Through various thoughts and decisions he has had, he decided that he needed to keep me as a friend, for sure. And I'm glad he did! Currently, in the place that I am at, I don't think I have a friendship like the one I have with him with anyone else. While our opinions, lifestyles, and priorities can be pretty different, there's this balance where we are on the same page still. 

So I'm just going to take the space on this post to personally thank him for always being the friend that I need. And I thank him for needing me too! Our lives may fall in different places, but I sure hope we'll always be friends!

In class and on task

I totally forgot that I took a video yesterday! That's what happens when I miss too many days in a row, I guess... Anyways, I was in my Tech class and we were told to check out the tools on the google image search engine. So of course, I had to look up puppies. Have you heard of a Shar Pei puppy? Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my dog, but these wrinkly puppies are also just too cute!

Anyways, I'll hopefully remember to take a video of my evening later today and will post it later!

Sleeping off the sickness

I got sick over the weekend. So I slept for 11 hours these past two nights. Sorry I have no videos. Motivation is definitely lacking when I'm sick.

Valentine's Day

I posted this on my status today, and I stand by it...

I think we should all be a little bit in love with ourselves...

Said yours truly.

So love all of your lovely selves this Valentine's Day! smile emoticon

*Inspired by Beth Chestnut's status.

To live.

I've noticed through social media that there have been quite a few announcements of death. These are people that I may not have been particularly close with, but knew. I feel like, although I'm not really afraid of the idea of death because of my religious beliefs, it doesn't change the feelings of sadness that I have within me. I feel like death from age is probably the only time where I think, "They lived such a fulfilling life." But when people's lives are cut short, I just feel sad. I feel like they still had more to live for.

There have been multiple times where I have experienced near-death. Every time, I realize that I might be just a little bit afraid to die. Not because I fear what will happen next, but because I feel like I'd have regrets. Regrets of having not been able to do various things. "Dang. I never got to be a wife or a mom to anyone. I wasn't able to have a classroom of my own to teach in, with my own students. I wasn't able to travel and experience other cultures. I wasn't able to sing on a stage again. etc."

Yes, I do have plans for all of these things. I plan to fulfill these desires. I feel like these goals that I have set for myself have given me my own reason to live. I'm living for myself. But if I get a terminal illness, or into an accident, I'd have regrets. I'd want to live to fulfill these goals. I may not have known these people - they may have felt that they've accomplished all that they needed to - but for me personally... I have things to do that I'm working towards. I don't want to die. Not yet.

*I did take a video for the day, but I want to post something that fit the mood of the post, I guess?

A roommate

My roommate, Melissa, is seriously... So great. She is an awesome human being and has helped me with so much. I just wanted to put out there how grateful I am to have gotten to know her. :)

Chatting with Ricks.

I know... I've mossed the past couple of days. My stress levels have been increasing recently so I havent been prioritizing my videos very much - especially if they're just going to be the same ol' videos.

Today, I visited with one of my professors from last semester. He was my professor for Children's Literature which was a great class, and he is a great teacher! We got to talk about a lot of stuff, and about life. He also really got my pumped for the future ahead of me! We talked about taking away the misconception that we are limited, or restricted.

He also recommended a book to me:
"When You Reach Me" by Rebecca Stead.
I took the book right then and finished it like, half an hour ago. Seriously, such a great read! I don't even know how to explain the story well with out giving something away. It was a little slow at first, I thought. I just kept reading though (and the chapters are so short). In the end.... Wow. Everything ended up being so important.

Not as happy as this blog should be

I think I'm getting sick from sleep deprivation and unhealthy eating habits. I cant wait for spring where I'll be exercising a lot more. Winters can be so dang gloomy.

The self.

Hmmmm.

Beyond two souls

My sister and I just watched the gameplay/walkthrough/cutscenes for the video game, Beyond Two Souls, all day today. Sorrym for the lazy posts recently. I'll try to be more detailed soon!

Late night? Morning?

Good morning. I have not slept yet. So I will be sleeping now.

Day by day

Everyday I think... "Just gotta make it through the day." When I feel like it's been too many days, I think... "Just gotta make it through the week." When I feel like it's been too many weeks, I think, "The month is almost over, just gotta make it through the month." Before I know it, time has passed.

Slowly stressed

I can feel myself getting stressed out. My schedule is seriously the worst right now and I just feel like... I want to cry. The more sleep-deprived I get, the more cranky and emotional I get. And I can feel it hitting me. I really think I might just need to get through the rest of this week, but I also get this feeling like - this month and next month are going to be insane. Mountain Dew will probably have to be my best friend, or else I have no idea how I'm going to make it through while still keeping my job.

Realizing the important things

Recently, I've been thinkingof about a lit of stuff. I think I've kinda said something like this before too. But today, I got to chat with one of my very good friends and we got to talk a lot about the things I've been co cerned about. She helped me break down many of the assumptions I had and really unintentionally helped give me peace of mind. My thoughts are still a little bit incomplete, so I'm not ready to post about it quite yet, but one of the things that my friend encouraged me to do was to start writing about things that are important to me - things that I feel passionate and/or thoughtful about, that has an impact on me and/or my life. SO, I've started a list. I kind of love lists. Haha. Ideally, over time throughout the year, I will work my way to writing about each of the things that are important to me. I do worry about professionalism, as I will be starting an actual career fairly soon, but I will do my best to continue being honest in my publicized thoughts.

Snowy

Its been snowing. And snowing. And snowing some more. I want to stay home all day everyday.

A day late

Sundays are always so busy... Then I also had to sign up for spring classes. Good thing I took my video in the beginning of the day.

Last birthday meal

My birthday month ends after tomorrow. SO my siblings and I went and got Tucanos. It was wonderful. I love meat. Then I pampered myself with some video gaming! Its been a while since I've played anything, so it was fun and relaxing. After that, I hung out with a new friend I made recently, and we got to relax and get to know each other some more. It was surprisingly refreshing! I've been having a hard time hanging out with people these days.

A solid Friday

Woke up in the afternoon today, which was glorious. Went to the Bean Museum for an assignment, and learned a lot about animals. Had Cafe Rio for dinner, then game night with roommmates and my sister's mission friends. :)

Ordinary

I have my own office room thing. As a student lead at my job, I know the code to an empty office which has now been turned into an office for all of the custodial leads. I don't use it very often, and I don't know who else actually uses it, but it's a good place for me to be able to do homework or take a nap (which I didn't get to do today).

Cat Shirts

I think cat shirts are fun. Silly, but fun. I was never much of a cat shirt person though because I feel like it just wasn't "me." I don't mind cats. I like almost all animals, I think. So I don't feel like I can participate in the cat fandom.

Sleeping

I missed class this morning... I wish I could sleep in everyday, but I sure do get a lot more stuff done when I wake up early. Except for sleep. I don't get much sleep done.

Trying

I attempted to play the piano today... Its really hard. I have zero hand coordination. Haha how amI supposed to do my covers??? Anuone wanna play the piano for me for all of my future covers? Haha

Visiting a brother from another mother

I visited my dear friend, Austin, today. He is seriously, my brother. I've been very blessed to have him in my life to just talk about life stuff and the gospel. He is a great example of a priesthood holder to me, while still allowing himself to be his goofy self. :) I feel like I meet many people here in Provo who are fantastic holders of the priesthood, but also force themselves to maintain a lifestyle that doesn't really match who they are as people. They don't allow themselves to be silly? Anyways, but also, what do I know. I havent really been meeting many people these days. But Austin has always just been an awesome friend. A brother who thinks of me like a sister. And I need someone like that here sometimes. Someone who will let me wipe my snotty-face onto his sweatshirt. Hahaha

Nocturnal

I slept all morning, stayed in bed all day, and enjoyed my evening out. I went on a date with a friend I made recently and we saw a movie called Red Army. It made me want to watch live hockey. Haha
I went to the temple afterwards and just gave some time to myself.

Productivity?

Went ice skating with my sister again today! I love ice skating. It's so fun and it's becoming more fun after she taught me to skate backwards. :) Also, crazy thing! I transcribed a song into sheet music for the first time today! It was super time consuming but I feel super fulfilled! That... pretty much took up my whole day. Haha Anyways, hopefully I'll learn to play it on the piano soon so that I can try doing a cover of it! I want to get into covering songs again, but I'm just so shy to do it in front of people, and I feel like if I do it on campus, people will hear me. I'm not trained in any way so it's hard to feel confident about it. :/

Honestly

There's a little bit too much on my mind right now and I need to sleep on it. Excuse me.

So good

Recently when people ask me how I'm doing or how I've been, I often find myself saying "so good" with a bit of an emphasis on "so." And you know what, I think I am! Dont get me wrong, my life is pretty uneventful at the moment, but I feel like I have a direction for my life and I'm pretty content with my mental and emotional health. (I could work on my physical health though, hehe.)
Life still isn't perfect, and Provo is honestly a bit of a difficult place to be right now. But I'm fairly happy and I'm almost in my last stretch of classes.

A year may seem long, but something in me knows that it'll just fly by. And I'll have my Bachelor's degree soon enough! Kind of a weird thought. I know that I've grown and changed a lot since my high school days, but back then, I never knew what it would actually be like to be at the point of my life of where I am now.

Here's my VOD... You probably cant really tell, but I took it in the middle of class. I'm usually pretty undistracted when I'm in class and I was a bit shy, so this was hard to do, but I'll try to take a better one in one of my future classes.

No sleep

My schedule is seriously kind of crazy. I get no sleep. Therefore, I've been trying to plan my life so that I get the majority of my homework done ahead of time so that I can take naps. I have class at 8 or 9am. It goes for two hours. I get a two hour break where much homework gets done (hopefully). Then I have another class for two hours. Then I will either go home to get a little bit more homework done then nap, or stay at the library all day doing homework until 8pm when work starts. Crazy, right? Ideally I'll catch up on sleep over the weekend, but apparently sleep doesnt work that way. It might be a long semester... I'll have to take extra care in being healthy, or I may not make it?!

Anyways, here's a short clip of me fake napping before my real nap.

Not what I expected

Sooo.... Today's video is actually NOT something to look forward to. It's my homework assignment. Haha Hopefully this isn't considered cheating, but it's also a part of my life! I'll try to get around to doing the exciting video soon though!

No video :(

Sorry! Today was kind of a crazy day! So there's no video, but there should something super great for tomorrow hopefully! I'm looking forward to it, personally!

Reunited with Meekers!

Meka, my former roommate, has come to Utah to visit!!!! Huzzah! I love that woman. She was seriously one of the best roommates I could have ever asked for and I always felt that I could be myself with her. We are now having a sleepover together, so I will be excusing myself now. :)

Yesterday's

Sorry for my lack of a post yesterday. My sister and I were watching an anime on my laptop til super late last night. Haha I pretty much spent my day with her yesterday and it was pretty great!

I also finally watched Wolf Children! I've seen it before, but I really love that movie, and I hadn't been able to watch it since getting it for Christmas. Still love that movie. :)

Reflecting

Whew! It's been a rough week. But I'm so grateful that I don't have classes tomorrow and that I turned in my internship application today!
It's crazy. I feel more and more... Adult(?) each time I pass a checkpoint. Haha

I've been talking to some peers and reflecting on myself recently, and I realize that I'm pretty content with where I am right now! It's a little weird because I feel different from most girls here at BYU... I'm 22, unmarried (not really looking), and about to graduate. That's pretty normal for other places, but definitely not for P-Town.
And here's the great thing, I kinda love where I am. I love that I'm not worried about that other stuff and that I'm just going on with my life. I feel like some people are constantly searching for something here and are just putting their own lives on hold, when really, they might find exactly what they were looking for if they moved just a bit further. Just some thoughts there.

Here's my VOD!

New stuff!

My stuff came in from YesStyle! Unfortunately I need to get the shirt exchanged for a larger size though...

Also, I was an hour late to my class today because I genuinely thought it started at 1, when it really started at noon... I'm seriously a mess right now.

No time

Lacking sleep, no time. Will update and  post the video tomorrow.

Grocery Day

We have literally been living off of no food. Sure we had some boxed food, but we didn't have any of the other stuff needed to actually make it! So we would end up going out to eat, or not eat at all. Both terrible options as a poor college student.
But we are good now! We have food!

And I realize that I need to save save save save SAVE money. I mean, I kinda always knew it, but I didn't mind living paycheck to paycheck. But I'm growing up and thinking abead now! There are things to do and more school to save for!

Anyways, besides that, I took a two hour nap today... I've seriously gotta figure out a sleeping schedule...

Busy Sundays

You know... My Sundays are kind of my busiest days sometimes. It's my day of rest from world stuff - like homework, stress, and other things that bother me. But I kind of feel like it's a little bit of and overload of... Stuff. I do have to work on Sundays, which doesn't help, but there's just like... And overload of spiritual stuff too. Don't get me wrong, I love the gospel, I guess I just get overwhelmed. My ward is great, the lessons are great, my leaders are great... I just feel so worn out by the end of the day though. Anyways, today was particularly busier, I think, but hopefully I'll adapt because I did get a lot out of today!

Salt Lake Saturday

I woke up at noon and went to Salt Lake City with my sister. That was pretty much my whole day! Haha These posts aren't that interesting, but at some point, I will write out all the thoughts I have in my crazy head. For now, I think it's okay to just keep living in the moment. Enjoy what's being done right now. :)

I'm trying to get ahead on my assignments for classes so that I can still have time to enjoy myself at the times that I really need to. Time management and pacing is so real.

A solid Friday night

My Friday went pretty well! I got some homework done, went out to eat with my sister, went to the Museum of Art and admired Norman Rockwell paintings, played some fun games with some cool people, then ended my night (now) with Ellen videos. I love that woman. :)

Anyways, tomorrow is another day, and I'm sure it'll be great!

The life of a college student.

So my life this week has literally been lived at the library. I'd go to my classes in the morning, eat on campus, go to the library, then do homework until work starts. Then I work, until I go home to sleep and do it all over again. I mean, I feel super productive which is awesome! But I'm definitely lacking sleep, may be getting sick soon, its finally the end of my week and my hair is disgusting (as seen in the video). D:

But yay for the weekend! Where I will probably doing more homework for at least part of it.

Jan 6

Drat. I forgot to post for yesterday. I must've thrown myself off since I technically did post yesterday, just not for yesterday. Anyways, yesterday was pretty busy. I stayed at the library for 4 hours before work just doing homework, and I'll probably be doing the same thing today.... It'll be a busy semester with some pressure looming over it a bit. Work is cool though. I like work. :)

My internet died.

My internet broke yesterday, so I couldn't upload it. But here's my video of the day from yesterday. I'll upload today's on another post.

Happy Birthday! To me!

Huzzah! It is my birthday today - also National Spaghetti Day, apparently! I am now a... dashing? lovely? stupendous?... 22-year old! Haha.
To be honest though, I feel like every birthday doesn't feel much different. It'll probably hit me in like, half a year or so. Haha But I am grateful to have been born on this day to experience life! (Even though I may have a weak respiratory system for having been born in January.)

I feel like I've met a lot of amazing people in my 22 years of life. Many things have happened to me, both great and not so great. So far, despite the not so great stuff, I'm pretty happy with how I've turned out! I can only hope to keep this up til next year. ;)

So my video isn't much, despite it being my birthday because it was also the first day of the new semester! I did go out to Red Robin and Starbucks for free food with my sister earlier this evening though. :) I did my best to try to compile what my day was like though! And probably what most of my days typically look like, actually. Haha Enjoy!

UPDATE: My awesome coworker, Beth, got me Taran Wanderer by Lloyd Alexander for my birthday! I was seriously so touched! Thank you, Beth! Hopefully I can record myself reading it sometime within the year. :)

The First Sunday

You know, I feel like on Sundays I think about a lot of stuff. (It may not seem like it in my video, but it's true.) I think about my upcoming week, how I will improve, the events that happened in the past week, and I reflect on myself. How am I doing? Do I still like myself? What's something I want to do to be happier with myself? Sometimes I don't really think of anything to change, and that's okay. I think it's okay to be content with myself. The year consists of a solid 365 days, and if I'm feeling a little stubborn about not wanting to change myself or improve, I'd say that I'll just try again next week. Usually by the end of the week, I find some new motivation anyways.

There's pros and cons to "time passing." It's great because you know that time will always pass. It's a concept that's unchanging. Time won't freeze no matter what. When I'm stressed and it feels like I'm being overwhelmed by a pile of things to consider, I know that time will keep moving, and eventually, I will be okay. It's kind of like when I get sick. Once I'm sick, I never feel totally healthy again until I've already stopped thinking about it and I'm about to get sick again. When things get hard, all I can think about is how hard it is, but next thing I know, time has kept moving and I have stopped thinking about it.

Time passing can also be a bad thing, though. Sometime s you just really need time to stop, to be able to do all the things that you want to do - and accomplish all the things you want to accomplish - without needing to put in less effort than you intend. I guess that's why I think it's sometimes important to just live in the moment. Without trying to make this into a "boo technology" post, I do think that sometimes we make a bigger deal out of things that don't really matter because "connecting" with hundreds of people is so easy to do now, and that becomes our life instead of actually connecting with people. 

Bahaha! This post is probably really incoherent, but I have a lot of incoherent thoughts right now. Hahaha that's okay!

Here's my video for the day. :)

Driving, driving, driving.

Today, I drove the typically 11-12 hour drive to Utah in 10 hours. Most people I talk to don't really like the sound of that drive. 11 hours??? Good luck! But you know, I find that I actually don't mind the drive at all. There is some beautiful scenery along the way, and it's a time where I can sing to my heart's content! Even though sometimes I tend to space out and even get a liiiiittle bit sleepy, I really do love driving. And it's not very often that I can drive between states.

Anyways, here's my video of the day! Just a peek at what my drive looked like before I hit Utah where there was snow on the ground!

A new year, a new me.

2015 was nuts. It started off really crappy, and then really went upward with a couple of down moments.

I had ended up homeless in Utah, so I moved back home for the semester. I was upset about a lot of things, but I'm really grateful to my parents who still took me in and supported me through everything.
No matter how adult I may be becoming, it's comforting to know that they're supporting me from behind.

So I stayed in Arizona which turned out to be a super great thing! My best friend and my sister got back from their missions, and I got to be with them for their return. I auditioned for The Voice, started living healthier by going to the gym, began working at a preschool, and figured out some priorities in my life. I went back to school after Heather's wonderful wedding during the summer, reunited with the Utah bestie, Hunter, and simply enjoyed my time wherever I was.
This past semester I got to teach first grade, giving me more reassurance regarding my major/future.

This year, my main goal is to just be a better person. I want to be a person who has goals and fulfills them. I want to be a person who can take care of herself. I want to be a person who's comfortable and confident in her lifestyle. I want to be a person who understands herself, and tries to improve as an individual. I want to be a person who's even more open-minded than she already is, yet grounded in her own desires and beliefs. And I want to be a person who enjoys every day, no matter how hard or horrible it may be.

I don't know how well it'll work out, but I would like to try to succeed in taking a video for every day this year. No matter how long or how short the video is, I'd like to record just a little bit of my day. The content may seem pointless and boring, but hopefully it reminds me of something and encourages me to meet my goals.

Wish me luck!
Here's my video for the day...

January 1.